Journey to the center of me



I open my laptop many times to start writing anything, hoping to get the flow of writing started. But instead, I stay in front of a blank screen for hours or write 2 lines then open a new window and write 2 lines and so on and I couldn’t understand why is that. I realized that what really happens is that while I believe I know what I want to say, I really don’t. I allow a lot of distractions from looking at a TV to checking an old document I wrote, and from thinking of a new thing that I want to write to thinking what good is what am writing going to mean to anyone. But is that it? distractions? So if I stayed say in a quiet environment can I write as I used to? Well, the true answer is no. While quiet is an important factor for inspiration yet the truly important thing is the peace of mind, not the outside quiet but the inside quiet  A lot of times you are surrounded by no one and it’s a full moon and a quiet night, a perfect timing for inspiration to kick in, but whats going on inside you is a loud mixed street fight between so many thoughts. 

       The problem is when you are in the middle of that inside metallic concert you can’t talk to yourself and you can’t silence everything around you. We usually try to talk to ourselves then to understand what we are saying, but since when did you ever go to a concert or a loud party and understood what your friend was saying? or since when was middling to calm 2 fighting people ever resulted in anything other than angering both parties actually? You need to lay down and let the wave pass. eventually the sounds inside you will calm down and rest, then you can take that important journey, the journey to the center of you. 

        I am still waiting for this opportunity, to start diving intolerance myself, to start exploring me. I believe I am more than just a guy who wakes up to work to sleep, I know I am more than just an average man. A few days ago I turned 32 years old, and I believe its time to start assessing where am I standing now and what ground am I standing on. But I can’t start this journey without a couple of things.

        1st of all I need to be able to shush those loud voices in my head and am still learning how to do that. Should I keep them screaming till they get tired? should I interrupt them? Am still looking for the best way. Then comes step 2, which is preparing for the journey. Usually, when someone is about to go on any trip he/she asks people who would be an addition to come, not the ones who would make you uncomfortable. So in that process of preparing for self-exploring, I will need those who are there to help me build, to be of positive reinforcement.

         At the 3rd step, it might turn either Neverland or Dante Inferno. I might find my journey easy and might find my path quickly, might know where I want to go and how I want to go there. What I want to do and the means of doing it, I might find all that easily, if so then Neverland it is. Or I might face troubles. See, those voices fighting inside you if not shushed properly are most likely to come up again, and if not at the very best you might be facing your own demons, your personal fears. Fear of failure, fear of loss, of loneliness. Fear of oblivion, or fear of envy. One way or another you will face one or more of those fears that will try to stop you. And It's up to you to fight or no. And here comes all the weapons I collected in the 2nd step, the positive reinforcement, the extended hand that would not pull you away from the fight but would hold yours and walk through that fight. 

          I will share my experience here constantly by many ways, letters to self, free writing, or random thoughts….

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