What is support to you? care and approvals, what are they to you?
Do you remember that scene from FRIENDS where Phoebe was playing outside of Central Perk after she was asked not to play there?
“When I play I play for me, I don’t need your charity” those were her words but also there was her guitar case opened to actually receive donations, and when one throws her a can she thanked him. That is exactly our whole life there. We do need support from others, but only when it is given without asking. To ask for it would be called charity not support, and yet at sometimes we just feel we need it and so we declare we don’t as a last resort reversed physiology approach, you say you don’t need something and so you guilt the others into doing it. In the above video of our beloved Phoebe she was so mad and pissed at Rachel for not backing her up to play at the cafe so she stood outside playing and saying “I don't need your charity” while she actually did need it, and that is why she couldn't but thank the person who paid her and leaving her guitar case open in the 1st place.
We all need support, and when we are not getting it, it is usually because we are seeking it from the wrong people, or in the wrong manner.
I believe here is where it goes all wrong for most of us, First of all, there is a huge difference between 3 major things, Care, Support and Approvals. We a lot of times confuse between those three really important concepts, giving us at the end a bad result and making us sad, depressed, lonely or just numb. Lets see in that situation from friends, Rachel cared about her, she did, she just didn’t support her enough when she needed it the most, and that is why there was that guilty look on her face, Phoebe on the other side was a horrible guitar player yet we all loved her playing, ever wondered why? Because she never seemed approval from anyone, she played because she loved to play.
“Care should never be asked for” is an Egyptian saying that is always used in the wrong way. When you start a new thing or do a good job and your friends don’t give you the support enough you say “care should never be asked for” while a matter of fact they do care, they only are not supportive. Approval should never be asked for, expected, wanted or wished for. Approval should only come from within, you shouldn't wait for someones approval of you, your work, your life or your decisions.
Care is must between friends if you don't care you are not a friend. Support comes from a fewer number of friends, and sometimes from strangers. Your achievements little as they are or big should always be a source of pride for you and only for you, only they will you get approval or actually it would be called acknowledgment, appreciation, valuing, many other terms. If you love what you do then do it, you may not get the support from the people you wish for, you may for a long time don't get any support but that only means you are talking to the wrong people, not that what you do is not worth it. Big or small, whatever you believe matters does in fact matter.
Go out, do what you love and don't care about anything or anyone, don't expect their approvals, they wont give it to you if asked for. believe in your self, if you are not getting the support from your friends then take your work to other groups who can appreciate it and support it, doesn’t mean your friends don't care, they just are not supportive, and once you learn the difference you will be more successful even if only for yourself, more calm and relaxed, and you will have a better relationship with your friends, after all as they say “Expectation kills”.
Had you ever had that friend who cared about you but didn't support you enough and you felt bad about it?
Had you ever had that one friend who is your greatest supporter?
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