I decided this would be my opening blog post on my new site, and I hope you like it. We are friends, right? and friends should like their friends' stuff and support whatever they do regardless, right? Well, not entirely, and here is what I have to say about friends.
No one can ever live without friends, right? without friends, nothing really matters. But what is the definition of a friend? I always found myself taking a long time answering this question in particular, but for a reason this time it is very easy for me. A friend for me is one of the following four-point:
1- A person who you are yourself with him.
Being yourself in front of people can be challenging, especially because we live in a weird fucked-up world where you are judged by your ideas, your dreams, your look, and your outfit.
Sure we all live in a world where we lie our ass off just to get around. We fake to make. you are never allowed to be yourself simply because (what will people say) or (this won't get people to love me, so let's hide it). But to me, a friend is someone who I don't have to hide who am I in front of him. A person who you can act like a fool in front and not feel uncomfortable. He is a person who accepts me as I am, he doesn't need to be ok with everything I believe in, but he doesn't need to change me as well or judge me, which takes us to point 2…
2- A person who does not judge.
Simply no one knows my story as I do. No one lived it, no one saw all its sides, so no one is qualified to judge it. Hell, you don’t even see that thing from my perspective to know what it means to me. So as far as I am concerned, a friend knows exactly what they are there for, its support and not judging.
We live in a culture where a guy telling a girl he loves her is encouraged but when a girl says it 1st she is “impolite”. A culture where a divorced guy is a hero and a divorced girl is a shame. A culture where a guy peeing in the street is disgusting but shameless and pretty normal (what else would he do to release himself) yet a friendly hug between friends is a disgrace. A culture where a guy is judged based on his smoking habits and a girl is judged by her body shape and clothing. So a friend is someone who sees you but either understands why you are this or respect why you chose to be this. He points out the wrong in your doing, after all, a friend is a mirror, but there is a big difference between pointing out mistakes and judging. Even when you do something that others might take as offensive or personal, he should always know your motive would never be to harm, thus point 3, Explaining yourself.
3- A person who you don't have to explain yourself to.
Based on the 1st 2 points, we find ourselves more often explaining ourselves to others. Why I did this or why I said that. Stephen M.R. Covey said once “in a trusted relationship, you can say the wrong thing and still, people will get what you mean, while in a relationship not based on trust you can say the right thing yet it will be misinterpreted.”. The truth is that when you are friends you don't need to explain your acts. There is a quote I heard ones that goes like this “those who care don't mind, and those who mind don't care”. I like to believe whoever said it meant what I got out of it, that those who care about you don't mind your explanation they understand you no matter what. And those who mind, those who would need an explanation, don't really care about you.” So a friend is the one person who cares about you enough that he doesn't need to hear an explanation.
I remember people used to come to me and tell me about my friends that they did so or said so about me, every time this happens my reply is as follow: “My friend would never hurt me intentionally, so either you misunderstood or you are lying or they just didn't mean it”, I do believe friends would never need explanation from each other. “Hey you, I called you and you didn't answer.” “or Am so mad at you, I saw you online and you didn't reply back” are things you should never say to a friend, simply because a friend will always be here once he/she can and they would never deliberately be away from you and therefore point 4, the last one
4- A person who is there from you in your need.
No one is free 24/7, not physically and most certainly not emotionally. But to be there for someone has so many levels. You can be there by just listening, you can be there by texting. You can be there by pushing your friend to do what he is scared of, and you can be there by pulling him away from destroying his career. Being there could appear in many ways, A friend can be away for weeks, but you know in your heart that if he knew you needed him he would jump off a train to reach you if he can. Problem with this point is that sometimes from time to time we all get sucked up in life, A true friend is someone who tries his best never to be totally away, and if he does there is no bad talk when he returns, no fight or “where the hell have you been”. Because a friend is the one person who if you for a reason got separated for weeks and returned back again you just fill in the gaps and that's it, best pals are best pals no matter how long it was for them not to speak.
Now, in my opinion, a friend carries one of those four qualities, a good friend carries 2. A best friend carries 3, and a lifetime mate and family is the one carrying the four qualities. So know your friends, and know that life without friends is hell on earth…
One final thing, please comment with your 5th point of what makes a good friend...